For lasting benefits, you'll need to form meaningful connections within a group. Not to mention that having a negative outlook on life could actually shorten your lifespan. Case in point? One study discovered happy nuns lived nine years longer than their negative sisters [source: Chopra ]. Yet, our brains are wired toward negativity, both to give it and to remember it.
Back in the Stone Age, it was more important to remember to avoid the threatening tiger than to approach the friendly dog. If you have a tendency to be an online downer, changing your persona could be as simple as retraining your brain.
If you can encourage positive thoughts in real life, you're more likely to be nice online, too. By recognizing the many good things that happen throughout the day, such as finishing a work project, completing household chores or keeping a date with the treadmill, you're retraining your brain.
The more you cultivate positivity, the more active the left side of your brain's prefrontal cortex will be, and over time, this activity will help overshadow any negative emotions that may crop up [source: Rope ].
Still, the Internet seems to attract comments that people wouldn't dare express publicly in real life, especially when it comes to hot topics such as sexual orientation, ethnicity or gun control [source: Kornblum ]. So what should you do if your blog, Facebook page, Twitter handle or Internet conversations become the target of a meanie?
We've got a few tried-and-true strategies to employ on the next page. Many online publications have begun requiring commenters to register and provide a valid e-mail address to put the brakes on trolls -- posters who intentionally comment using provocative or profanity-laced language to get a rise out of others. Whether it actually makes a difference is debatable [source: Ferenstein ]. On a more personal level, what can you do to diffuse the online wars? One of the most effective strategies is to give yourself a time-out.
Take a few minutes or hours to cool off before you reply. And when you do, remain objective. If it's on your personal blog or social media account, ask the person to stop. If the threats seem likely to escalate and spill over into real life, make a police report. With the exception of Montana, in every state in the U.
Point out the behavior. Tell the person what you thought of his or her words or behavior. Many times the mean person is masking an underlying feeling with negative attention, so avoid making this a personal attack. He or she needs to know that you were upset by the behavior but not the person.
Don't be vague and tell them that they're being mean for example. Instead, give them a specific example, such as how they teased you in front of class. Offer a better suggestion to overcome the problem. Instead of simply telling the person what he or she did wrong, explain how the situation could have been handled in a more kind way. For example: "The next time you have suggestions for my work performance, can you please share them with me privately?
I'd greatly appreciate that. Letting them know that you recognize their skills can start a better working relationship. Be the first one to extend the olive branch and offer kindness. If they're able to gain positive attention, they're usually stop their behavior.
Involve an adult or a superior if the situation gets out of your control. This should only be done after you have tried other approaches since it may affect the relationship long term with the other person. If this is someone you only interact with for a small bit of time every once in a while it may not be worth the extra involvement.
Bullying is against the rules in most schools and jobs. If you're the target of bullying, reach out to someone who can help put a stop to it.
Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source. Part 3. Provide short, direct answers to speed up the encounter. In some cases, you cannot avoid interacting with the person, but you can keep the time you spend with him or her to a minimum. Keeping your interaction short and sweet is key. If they have a snappy attitude each time you talk to them in person, consider communicating via email. For face-to-face encounters, prepare your statement ahead of time so that the conversation can end quickly: "Hey, I'm headed to a meeting, but I wanted to check in to see how the report was progressing.
Find an excuse to leave. This is a big part of having an exit plan. If you have to ask for his or her help, do it on the way out to lunch, so you do not have time to stay for any negative feedback.
This will allow you to leave quickly in a convincing manner. They won't have time to be mean. You can say something like "Oh, well. I'm running late for my lunch break. I'll catch you later. Avoid the person, if possible. You may have a choice in some cases like avoiding a mean cashier at the local grocery store but in other cases like the mean person being your boss you may not be able to avoid him or her altogether.
Mean people can spread their negative energy, so keeping your distance allows you to preserve a positive outlook. Take these feelings as a sign you may want to see them less. People who behave toxically tend to focus on themselves and what they want. They might blame you or other people for any problems they have and show little interest in your feelings or needs.
This can make spending time with them unpleasant. Communicate these boundaries clearly and stick to them. But you draw your line at verbal abuse or gossip. If it helps, consider coming up with a few go-to lines ahead of time that you can pull out as needed.
Maybe a co-worker always complains at lunch about how horribly everyone treats them. Try eating lunch somewhere besides the break room, wearing headphones, or reading a book. Avoiding family members can be harder.
Try having a respectful but firm conversation about needing to focus on your studies. But it might help to consider that they might be dealing with some personal challenges that are causing them to lash out.
If you have a close relationship with someone who behaves in a toxic way, consider pointing out some harmful behaviors and explaining how they affect others if you feel comfortable doing so. If they seem receptive, encourage them to talk to a therapist about why they act the way they do.
Sueskind recommends keeping interactions with the other person superficial. Toxic behavior can involve gossiping, oversharing personal details, or using personal information to provoke reactions. If you know someone who does these things, keep your conversations light and insignificant. If you have to stay involved with the person, consider getting help from a mental health professional. Therapists are trained to help people work through difficult situations like these and can offer compassionate, judgment-free support that fits your circumstances.
Sometimes, cutting people out of your life may seem like the only way to escape their toxic behavior. Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. We need to know who angered us, what we are angry about, and to listen to the impulse, which tells us how angry we are.
The very last step is to think through the best course of action. Noticing our internal experience is a practice honed over a lifetime. The benefit is that it enables us to listen to our anger, to be informed by our anger and not ruled by it.
When we can tune into our anger before we react, and we have time to think before we react. When we can think and feel our anger at the same time, we can choose a response that is helpful and not hurtful.
Because people act out their anger instead of first experiencing it internally. They react from the primary impulse of the anger, which always wants to be mean and aggressive.
You do not need to be in therapy to work on your anger. You can begin practicing slowing down in the midst of your reactions and getting to know your internal experience any time you want.
To read about a time when I did this for myself, check out a past post here. Why do we need to live life? There are many possible answers to that question, and here are 22 of them, together with an exercise to find your own…. Trauma can impact your life in many ways.
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